19 GAYSWEEK September 25, 1978

Another Voice

DAVID ROTHENBERG

Families

Jane Howard. Photo by Norman Victor.

Ther

here is a scene which takes place each year during the Christopher Street Day Parade. It always provokes the loudest and most sustained applause. A small band of people drive by with a banner which proclaims that they are "Parents of Gays."

It is curious. Gay men and lesbians are constantly given as examples of the breakdown in the American family because, for the most part, they will not be perpetuating the species.

Well, in my case, that is certainly true. I will probably never be a father. But I don't see myself as a villain in this sociological piece. I'm very much a part of an American family... my own. I have a mother who is living, a sister, and enough cousins, aunts and uncles to launch the Spanish Armada. They are important to me and I am a vital link in my own family. Let me quickly add that I am no more important, or less, than anyone else, for whatever credentials are achieved, they are garnered outside the family. Once the clan gets together, it is democracy in action, and everyone is equally accountable.

As a gay male, I do not feel responsible for divorce, the abuse of children, runaways, teen-age addiction' or prostitution-yet I constantly see homosexuality cited as a problem concerning the American family.

When two or more gay people get together, there is almost invariably a discussion on how family members responded to one's coming out. I am always called upon to share the information. about the beautiful, accepting letter which I received from my mother. She wrote me from her home 1600 miles away. She said that she cried when she received my letter because of all of the years in which I thought that I could not share with her. My mother's response was not drawn from a booklet or a counseling service. It emanated from a strong family tie, in which love permits differences and is strong enough to transcend societal shibboleths.

By responding to me as she did, my mother strengthened a link in her family. My mother, my sister, my aunts and uncles drew a larger circle and brought me in... if you recall the poem by Edward Markham, in which the writer states that he made a circle and closed everyone out "but love and I hath the wit to win, they drew a larger circle and took me in."

The big lie about homosexuality is that it weakens the family structure. Clearly, my coming out has not weakened my family-except for those people who chose to interpret it that way. That I will not be a father I see as no great betrayal of the family, any more than my friend who became a priest, my uncle who was killed in a war, or another long-time friend who decided not to have children, though he has long been married.

My sister recently reminded me that she was relieved when I told her I was gay. She recalled that I had informed her that there was something "about which I must talk." She recollected that my tone was so ominous on the phone that she feared I had a serious illness. When she left her house in New Jersey to meet me, she promised her two teen-aged daughters that she would call them the moment she had any news. She came into New York City, prepared to learn that I had a fatal disease. When I told Carla. that I was gay, that I had met someone special and declared that I was "happy" and learning to accept myself, she was overjoyed. Her feelings of elation were not necessarily because I was gay. She loves me and my self-acceptance and being in love made a fearful visit with me one of celebration. My being gay is not a major concern to her. She is interested in my interest in it. But as my sister, her love is cemented in a family strength which I have slowly learned to treasure.

I share some of these thoughts because I have recently finished reading a very nice study of family life, simply called Families, by the talented and meticulous Jane Howard.

Reading Families, I was reminded of what a strong family person I am. I rarely have more genuine laughter and fun than when a group of my family members pull together for a reunion, a holiday, a graduation, etc.

Quite simply, a family strengthens itself when it accepts and loves its member who is gay or lesbian. I, like most of you, have heard horrendous stories of families rejecting their gay member. It comes not from love-but from a fear that strangers will judge their family.

I salute Parents of Gays-and the people in my life-whose blood is part of my own and who I know are there with me for eternity.

Fifty-one Percent

SANDRA TRIMBLE

CSLD's Folly; Them Old Macho Blues

Ex

ven before my association with GAYSWEEK, I felt I was aware of what goes on in the lesbian and gay male communities. Since I've been writing for GAYSWEEK, I've almost been forced to take a closer look at what my own position is within the communities. A once-weekly check of my mailbox at GW brings with it a crash-course in what it means to be a gay person-particularly a gay womanliving in the 70s. I receive copies of newspapers and magazines, newsletters, carbons of often outraged letters, phone mes-sages and clippings ftom various sources. I try to read each one with an open heart and to cover, in my column, as much as I can. It is often not easy and there have been many important items I've had to ignore because of time limitations or because I've not had the resources (car, money) to be able to follow through on 'them.

Last week, at a fundraiser for Ginny Apuzzo (running for the state assembly seat in Brooklyn's 57th District), I met Betty Santoro, spokeswoman for Lesbian Feminist Liberation, who reminded me that I had not done anything about a letter GW had been carboned on.

Shortly after this year's Gay Pride march, Betty wrote a letter to Martin Walker of the CSLD (Christopher Street Liberation Day) Committee, expressing outrage and disgust at the performance of singer Grace Jones at the rally in Central Park. (The text of this letter follows my commentary.) Betty was concerned that the "tenuous unity between" the lesbian feminist community and the CSLD Committee had been once again "ruptured" by Jones's insensitive display.

Another point that Betty made was that the CSLD Committee was not discreet in its placement of Grace Jones before the representative of COHLA (Comité Homosexual Latino Americano) was to speak. Jones's tasteless performance of a song which includes sentiments about how it takes a "man" to satisfy her, did not have any place at all in a rally whose purpose was to unite gay women and men in a positive show of solidarity to the nongay world. It could not have been more poorly placed before a group where the female members have a continuing struggle against the overbearing machismo of its male members.

The problem, as it appears to me, is machismo. Men, regardless of racial or cultural background must continually prove that they possess egos. Women, regardless of racial or cultural backgrounds, don't have such problems with egodefinition.

When I was 18 or so, I had a big fight with my then-current boyfriend about fetching for him. He felt that when we were together, it was my job to get him glasses of water, or whatever item he wanted. I told him that I was not his servant and if he wanted to get something, to get it himself. We fought and I left his parents' apartment in a rage.

My ego does not define itself upon my ability to get others to do things that I am perfectly capable of getting or doing myself. If I want a cup of coffee, I get it for myself, unless I am at someone's home and it has been offered to me.

CSLD was wrong in allowing Jones to perform such an inflammatory song. If they wanted her to perform, her songs should have been cleared with LFL and the lesbians working with the committee. And Grace Jones is not free of blame, either. A considerable part of her income derives from sales of disco songs and concert tickets to gay males--and to

lesbians-whose reactions were obviously not considered in her choice of such an offensive song.

But there is something else to be considered. Macho Man, that reprehensible piece of garbage performed by the Village People, is on the jukeboxes and played by female DJs at many lesbian bars in our New York area. I was appalled the other night at the Apuzzo fundraiser that Macho Man was on the Duchess's jukebox. I was flabbergasted when droves of women got up to dance when the song came on. I do not think that this song is wry satire or something to be laughed at. By buying it, playing it and dancing to it, as lesbians, we are helping to perpetuate the ugly and harmful philosophy it promotes.

Women, this is what we are up against: be the men gay or heterosexual, they are still men who are continually trying to prove the existence of and placement of their egos, which translates as their "balls." I have met few men who do not have such a problem and I know that they are often ridiculed by male peers for being "pussys." Well, those "pussys" are stronger men than the ball-seekers may ever hope to be. And we are stronger women for reminding the ball-seekers that if they have to look for them, they just aren't there.

July 13, 1978

Martin Walker:

On behalf of Lesbian Feminist Liberation and the Lesbian Feminist Community of New York City, I wish to express our anger, outrage and disgust at the performance of Grace Jones at the Christopher Street Liberation Day rally.

Lesbian Feminist Liberation endorsed and actively solicited the participation of women in the CSL march on June 25th. We were promised a non-sexist and nonracist march and rally. This promise was brutally shattered by the insulting and degrading performance of a woman singing about how it takes a man to satisfy her. The tenuous unity between the Lesbian Feminist Community and the CSLD Committee has once again been ruptured.

The placement of Grace Jones in the rally before the representative of COHLA (Comité Homosexual Latino Americano), the only Latin American organization in our community, was the final indignity.

We demand an immediate and well publicized apology from the CSLD Committee. LFL will also make it clear to the Lesbian Community that we in no way endorsed or approved the magazine produced by the CSLD Committee for the 9th annual march and rally which was, for the most part, highly offensive to all lesbian women.

An apology to the entire Lesbian and Gay Community would also seem to be in order since both were guaranteed a more political, and more meaningful march and rally this year.

For a while it seemed like much of the circus atmosphere that marred CSLD "parades" of the past was gone. New York lesbians and gay men by the tens of thousands were finally making a statement. That statement was, "Yes, we're proud, and proud people cannot and will accept being treated as second-class citizens." "We demand our rights!"

not

For the first time, the march seemed to have meaning. Even straight media sensed the difference and described the march as one with a "seriousness of purpose." Had they stayed a bit longer at the rally they would have witnessed the total destruction of the tone and mood set by the march. Once again TV cameras would have projected into the homes of millinos of viewers the flippant, irresponsible behavior that society feels describes our lifestyles best.

Is it any wonder that the straight world refuses to take our movement seriously? Betty Santoro

As of late August (when I spoke with Betty), she had not gotten any response from Martin Walker or the CSLD Committee.☐